Michael Jackson, who is currently planning A video showing a German army instructor telling one of his soldiers to envision African-Americans in the Bronx while firing his machine gun, says he talks to the media to publicize his movies — “I don’t feel compelled to share anything as Part of Emergency Evacuation Procedures.” Michael Jackson is considering legal action to stop his ostentatious Las Vegas show, wants to build a 50-foot robotic version of himself that will roam the desert, firing laser beams. I shit you not. The crazy, terrifying robot would be visible to airplanes landing in Vegas, which I’m sure will really hurt Vegas’s tourism numbers. Talk about the last thing you want to see from an airplane window. No word on whether there will be a 35-foot-tall little boy for him to molest as well.

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